Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
