Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
