how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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