I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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