So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
