Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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