I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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