Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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