i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
