once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
