Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Houston, we have a blender
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
