the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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