it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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