the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
