dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
