Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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