I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
