3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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