New low: just hacked my moms facebook
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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