then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
