Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The beer is more important than you right now.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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