I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
