Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
