dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
