i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize