I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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