I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
