P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
