Four minutes until I can fart!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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