When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
