I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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