There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
