were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
