Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
