I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My brain says no but my pants say off.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
