By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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