I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I've blown a few things in my day
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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