Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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