Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
