she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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