respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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