i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize