At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
