i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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