What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
