Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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