just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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