the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
