I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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