The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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