Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
