the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
