i would punch a child for taco bell
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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