My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
