I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
