I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
ttyl tear gas
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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