Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
