I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
