why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
