I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
