i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize